Man in the [Socialized] Box

For those of you who may be familiar with Jackson Katz, this may sound familiar. While I don't believe that he is the only source of today's topic, he is one of the primary sources of this information and one of the people who introduced me to it.

And now...a pop quiz!

Not really, but I would like for you to think about the following questions:


1. What disparaging terms (labels, names, stereotypes, etc.) have you, or someone you know, used and/or heard when describing a LGBT person?


2. What do all (or at least the greater majority) of your answers to the question above have to do with women?


Think about it.


Give up?


What if I told you that the majority of disparaging terms used toward LGBT people also happened to be misogynistic? Does that really surprise anyone? But wait, there's more...


You see, there is a model in which men in the United States are expected to fit. We learn about it through our socialization process. This image of what a man in our society does and does not do. A process known as sex-role socialization. Some of these things can be easily seen by filling in the blank in one, or both, of the following sentences:


A 'real' man can ___________


A 'real' man doesn't ___________


Take a minute and try them out. I'm certain most of use can rattle of three or more answers for each of these without much effort.


Notice anything about your answers?


If you're like most people in the United States, the behaviors associated with the first statement are primarily masculine, while the behaviors associated with the second statement are primarily feminine.


Why is that?


Because that is what we've been taught.
We learn this perspective from all of the sources of socialization; Family and media being among the most significant contributors.


From the color of the clothes our parents picked out for us as infants, to the toys we were steered into playing with or avoiding, to the electives in school, to the jobs we should seek, to our role in a relationship, etc., etc.

A word cloud developed from the vocabulary used to advertise popular children's toys. Boy's toys comprise the top cloud; girl's toys comprise the bottom cloud.

See the original article on this image by following the link here.

We are taught what a good (or bad) boy or girl should and should not do.


So what happens when a man in our society steps out of the boundaries that have been outlined for him?


Well, one thing that often happens is that other men challenge that behavior with disparaging terms. Not just any ole disparaging terms however, no... men often rely on terms that are hateful toward women, or misogynistic. It's peculiar, but it is. What men do, in effect, is challenge the targeted man's masculinity by taunting him with these terms. These things aren't always verbal either. Often, signs, symbols, and other forms of non-verbal communication is also deployed in an attempt to socially 'push' the targeted man back into the predefined role.


I say all of that to say this: Before one passes judgment on someone else because their behavior doesn't fit "in the lines" that society has drawn for us, one should take some time to reflect on their own feelings. It is much more difficult to think critically about oneself than it is to discount the lifestyle of someone else. But it isn't until we truly know ourselves that we can begin to appreciate others.